


Love Letter Never Sent

by jheyr



Series: Tugging At Heartstrings [5]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Fem!Yuuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-12-05 18:03:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11583369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jheyr/pseuds/jheyr
Summary: Until we meet again, this will always be the love letter I never sent.AU. Viktuuri.





	Love Letter Never Sent

To the person who taught me how to love unconditionally,

You were my dream, love. I am a simple girl gazing at you from afar, admiring you and being the complete description of a fangirl. I was just months shy of being a teen that time but you left me breathless when I saw you perform on the ice. Just like every person in the stadium, you enticed me with your beauty.

  
You were breath-taking. Still is, and will always be breath-taking.

I was at my worst when you first saw me but I didn't know what compelled you to talk to me and give me the smile that always made my heart race. I was unlike your other fangirls who relentlessly call for your attention. I was that shy, self-conscious girl who cheers for you on the sideline.

I was actually very happy to qualify to the academy where you study. You were in your second year of highschool and I was in my first year of middle school. The thing I like about the academy is that you can study until college there. I was happy because I could see you more often, instead of just watching you in videos or attending your competitions. We were now schoolmates and that made me extremely happy that you don't even know it.

I was part of the Literature Department because I am in love with writing. I write because I am a shy, introverted kid whom no one wants to listen to. That's why I write what I think and feel on the paper because I know the paper will listen --- the paper and pen will be there for me to pour my overflowing thoughts and feelings.

I remembered you saw me crying at the back garden of the academy --- _my hair was in a mess, puffy red eyes, and tear-streaked face._ What you gave me was everything that I could ask for that time. You gave me an encouraging smile and your presence. There were no words said but the silence spoke volumes of a comforting presence. You didn't know how thankful I was for you at that time.

You suddenly befriended me the week after you saw me crying. You didn't became friendly all of a sudden to the point of scaring/embarrassing the hell out of me but you slowly gave me your attention. Our friendship started with a simple greeting of _"Hi"_ and _"Hello"_ in the hallway. We have four years in our age gap but day by day, I warmed up to you. You are not just someone whom I idolize but you were now someone I see as a friend. Slowly but surely, I knew you better.

You became my muse. I can't help but write about you, my love. Everything I wrote became all about you. And that is when I knew what I am feeling. This is not just something trivial as a fangirl-feeling but this is something deeper and real. This is a feeling that takes courage and honesty.

You were the inspiration that fuels the burning passion of writing inside me. You were the soulmate I've been looking for in the words I write. You were the one that makes me feel all the cliché movie-like feelings. You were the one that made me feel like I am in a fairytale.

I am in love with you.

I inserted a love letter in your locker. I hid behind a column to see your reaction when you open the letter. I was happy because you smiled. You looked around and I immediately hid again behind the column. I took a chance to look at you after a few seconds but to my surprise, you were looking at me with a knowing glint in your eyes and an amused smile.

You walked towards me and my heart was beating louder everytime you took a step forward. My plan to give an anonymous love letter failed. You stopped in front of me while I blushed as I fidgeted in front of you --- which I might say a scene you enjoyed watching.

You knew from the start that the letter was from me because you said you only knew one person who could write a beautiful and emotional letter --- _that was me._ You looked at me with so much affection that it reminded me of the look in my face when I think of you.

I started as your fangirl. I turned into a schoolmate. Then I became your friend. Until I became your girlfriend. A fangirl-turned-girlfriend is something I never even imagined would come true. You were my dream come true, love. A dream that became my reality _every single day._

You often injure yourself when you take the difficulty level of your performances higher. I was the dutiful girlfriend who was always there to check-up if you had bruises. You would laugh and kiss my head, teasing me how lucky you are to have a girlfriend like me. You didn't know that I am the one who was very lucky to have you in my life as my special someone.

I aspired to be a doctor from the several times I treated you because of your carelessness. From catching a simple cold because you went to a swimming pool not caring that it is winter to injuring yourself because you tripped from your walk with Makacchin. Despite how people see you as someone unapproachable, they do not see how childish you are sometimes. Although that side of you is endearing to me.

You became a famous figure skater even if you were still in College. You made history and you made the world recognize your name. You were capturing hearts everywhere but you told everyone you have someone special in your heart --- _you said that I was occupying your heart._ You kept your personal life private because you said you wanted to keep me all to yourself and what we have is something very special that needs privacy.

I was yours and you were mine.

Despite our busy schedules --- you as a world-renowned figure skater and I as a doctor --- we always made time for each other. No matter how busy we are, when we really want to see each other, we will always find a way. Love will always connect us together.

You were complete. I was complete. We were complete.

But our life is not a fairytale. We live in the harsh reality that never gives us a heads-up when our world will turn upside-down.

On your way to visit me at the hospital, you were in an accident. Your car crashed with another speeding car whose driver was drunk. You and the drunk driver were rushed to the hospital where I worked.

You never knew how scared I was when I saw you being rushed in the ICU. My mind was blank and I could not hear voices around me. You were the only thing in my mind --- your limp body covered in blood and your shallow breathing.

I was the doctor who was assigned to you. I insisted that I will be the one to cure you despite how tears rolled down my eyes and how my hands shook while trying to properly attend to you. I was crying while saving you. I talked to you one-sidedly while I did my best to save you. I told you not to give up on me. I told you to _pleasepleasepleaseplease_ don't leave me.

When the deafening sound of the flat line sounded, I broke down. I cannot accept the fact that one moment, you were just calling me that you will fetch me in the hospital after my night shift but then the next moment, your heart stopped beating and the flat line screamed the inevitable.

**WHY COULD I SAVE OTHERS BUT NOT YOU?**

You were the one who made me see how bright and beautiful the world is. You were the color that made everything lovely. You were the sunshine who lighted everything.

Then those colors faded into black and white. It scared me to death. I wanted to grasp the colors back but like water, they were slipping from my fingers. There were no words in the dictionary that could describe the devastation I felt from losing you.

There were a lot of nights that made the pain I am feeling very unbearable. I would always cry myself to sleep with the feeling of achingly missing you from the bottom of my heart.

But you know, my love? It _never_ occured to me that if I had not met you, I would not feel the pain I am always feeling ever since you left me incomplete and alone in this world. If I had not met you, I would never be crying myself to sleep.

If I could turn back time, I would still be your fan. I would still do my best to qualify to the academy where you study so we can be schoolmates. I would still accept your friendship. I would still warm up to you as I slowly knew you better. I would still hide behind the column near your locker to see your reaction to my anonymous love letter. I would still become your girlfriend. I would still treat your wounds. I would still love you stronger each day.

If I could turn back time, I will not change anything. I would willingly go through everything even if I know how painful it gets in the end. I would still love you in our highschool days where I knew that I will see you tomorrow in school. I would still love you yesterday, today, and tomorrow, my love.

I would never change anything since I am who I am because you helped me build myself to be someone better. I am very grateful for your existence and for teaching me a lot of things. You taught me how to believe in myself and you taught me how to love. You gave me memories that are so priceless that I would never exchange it for anything in this world.

I would exchange every tomorrow I have to be in a single yesterday with you. But I know that the world does not give us everything we want in life. There are things that are impossible and we just have to accept the harsh reality we are in.

I am writing everything I would want to say to you in this paper. I am again writing about you. I am pouring every heartache and pain in this paper. I am writing how I miss you every single day. I am writing how incomplete I am in a world without you. I am writing how unfair it is for you to rob me of all the colors in the world. I am writing how I love you very much with all my heart.

I love you very much that I think even amnesia can't erase the feelings that ran deep in my heart to my veins and to my very being. Nothing can keep me from loving you even if it means you are not in this world physically.

In our last phonecall, you never said goodbye. You just said _"See you, my love."_ And I would like to keep it that way. There will never be a goodbye between us. We will always see each other again, I know it.

But until we see each other again, I will still dream of you and wake up missing you. My heart will still and will always beat for you. And I will live for you, my love.

I know everything will be better. It _will_ be better.

Until we meet again, this will always be the love letter I never sent.

 

Loving you always,

**Yuuri**


End file.
